Myself 1st Position
Step into your own body space, see through your eyes, hear with your ears and feel within our body. Look at the problem and explore how you exactly see your desired outcome. Play around with different ideas and possibilities; modify them till you really got your desired outcome. Then step out - visualise it like taking off a wetsuit – leaving your way of seeing and your emotions behind.                                                                                                        

The Other Party 2nd Position
Step into the other person’s shoes and take her/his point of view.  See, hear and feel as the other does. Imagine what they want, what their desired outcome is. How does your desired outcome looks from their point of view. Find out were the similarities and differences are. When you have gathered enough information, step out ( wetsuit!) and make sure that you leave all their feelings and problems with them and don’t make them yours!

An Outsider   3rd Position
Now step into the Outsider Position, put on an observer ‘hat’ and look at your both like an outsider. Now you are an outside observer! Observe what is happening between them. ( Imagine seeing it from a helicopter or as a black & white film on a cinema screen if that helps you to distance yourself. )  From here you can see the large picture!  Review what has happened so far – see why and how in the other person is locked in her/his positions.  You might see where you have similarities and where differences.
As an Outsider, you will see the desired outcome of the problem differently to the other person.  When you have gathered enough information step out. Now you will find it very interesting to step back into the 1st Position and have another look at your outcome.

Myself 1st Position
Bring with you the experience and the knowledge you have gathered by visiting the other point of views.  Has your desired outcome changed or do you want to modify it?   How does it help to take into account what you have experienced in the other positions? 

By now you know how this strategy works. You can change between the three positions as often as you find it useful to gather more information, to further review and modify till you find a realistic solution to the problem you are satisfied with.

Note:  Different people find different states easier to use. Some are brilliant observers, other find it easier to see as the other party. However it is useful to become skilled in all three states and keep them separated.

Reference: Developed by Grinder & DeLozier - modified by W Meyer

“Don’t judge your neighbour before you have walked in his shoes.”